Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Don't Want Any D*** Donuts!

I hope everyone's having a great week! I have another funny story about Gma to share.

After being in the hospital for a month, my gma was finally moved back to the nursing home to finish up physical therapy after suffering a broken hip and ribs. I make two trips (and sometimes more) a day checking on her.

For those of you that didn't know my gma when she was at her best, she is a tiny but sassy little thing. She's 4'8" tall and as of yesterday she weighs all of 96.7 pounds with all her clothes on. She's always acted like a lady and preached it to me daily when I lived at home, which is why I get so tickled when she talks the way she does sometimes. I don't think I ever heard her curse or raise her voice when I was growing up. My sister says she would spank her sometimes but I never knew that side of her.

A day in the life of Gma.....

Saturday I spent most all day with Gma and she was in good spirits. I wheeled her around the nursing home and she even sat outside on the patio for a while. When we got back to her room, her aid was waiting with a smile to help her back to bed. Gma gets up from the wheelchair to show off that she could take a few steps. With every step she takes, she expels gas. I know that's a terrible thing to say but oh my was it funny!! We wouldn't have even realized what she was doing but she says "Every time I take a step I fart!" She goes on to say "Oh no! I didn't mean that. What I meant was every time I take a step I poot. Men fart and ladies poot. I'm a lady so I'm pooting!"  The aid and I almost make her fall because we are doubled over laughing. How Gma said all that with a straight face is beyond anything I can comprehend. After I got my composure back, I remind her that ladies don't talk about things like that. She politely tells me that she's a lady. I tell her that evidently she's forgotten her manners. She replies in her most lady like voice "I haven't forgotten them. I just don't want to use them." There's not much you can say to that so, I went home shaking my head and thinking to myself - Bless your heart!

Thankfully Sunday was quiet in the world of Gma.

Yesterday after work, I took her a peanut butter cupcake I had made. She gobbled it up fairly quickly. She didn't leave a crumb. When I got ready to leave, I asked her if she wanted me to bring her another cupcake in the morning. She said "I don't want any d*** donuts! I said Ok, but do you want another cupcake? No, I told you I don't want any d*** donuts! The nurse came in to give Gma her night medication and Gma wants to know what pill she's giving her. The nurse tells her that it's her cholesterol pill. She takes it and tells me that she's not taking THAT dementia medicine any more because it makes her crazy! I try to hold back my laughter but I couldn't! She goes on to tell me that the dementia medicine she took that morning has made her crazy all day, and that there's nothing wrong with her mind, and she doesn't need medicine like that. At this point, I've gotten my laughter and snorting almost under control, when she tells me for the third time "I don't want any d*** donuts but you can bring me another cupcake." I tell her that I'll bring her another but my evil side really wants to bring her a donut just to see what she'll do with it.  

Before I left, I told her that I hoped she would behave herself to which she said "My daddy taught me how to behave. I just don't want to and I'm grown so I don't have to." And to that, I had no words!

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week! I know I will...I'm leaving tomorrow to visit Baby Chef for the first time at her new home! I can't wait to share my visit with everyone : )

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