I had to go to a care plan meeting for Gma at the hospital this morning. Who would have thought something like that could be entertaining? First thing, Gma calls and says she wants a candy bar in the yellow paper that tastes like peanut butter. It takes a few minutes, but I finally realize she wants a butterfinger. I stop by Target to pick up a few things for her along with a candy bar in the yellow paper. Make it to the hospital just in time for the meeting to start. The case manager, a very nice lady with a lot of patience, begins to ask me a multitude of questions. I answer as best I can - not that the questions are difficult - it's hard to talk over Gma, who's in the background asking her own questions and who's totally oblivious as to what's going on in the room.
Nice Lady: What are your plans upon discharge?
Gma: Where's my jewelry? Is my jewelry at home?
Me: To finish physical therapy rehab.
Nice Lady: The plan is for Gma to remain here at least 4 to 5 more weeks for wound care and antibiotics
Gma: I need my tweezers, the hairs on my chin are getting long.
At this point I'm about to wet my pants because I'm trying not to laugh. I think Nice Lady is having the same problem but she keeps a straight face better than I do
Me: That sounds great! I'll be out of town from August 31st til September 4th
Nice Lady: That won't be a problem. We won't release her until you get back and she may not be ready then
Gma: You don't need to go out of town! You need to stay here! Do I have too much lipstick on? I don't want to look like a dime store flusey (I don't even know how to spell that one but I definitely know what she's talking about) What does my hair look like? D*** if I don't need to go to the beauty shop. (My gma has taken up the habit of using foul language since she's been sick. It's embarrassing but quite funny too)
Nice Lady: You'll be fine while she's gone. We'll take good care of you
Gma: I want one of those candy bars in the yellow paper. But if I eat this I won't be able to eat my roll at dinner.
I give Gma 2 candy bars in yellow paper and Nice Lady and I finish up our business.
After Nice Lady leaves, I remind Gma that we need to call her sister and give her some telephone numbers she asked for. Gma makes the call and it goes something like this:
The phone rings and rings and goes to voice mail....
PeMa this is your sister! CALL ME IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!
She hangs up and I ask her why in the world would you leave a message like that? It is not an emergency!
Gma says Well, yes it is! If she calls back after you leave, I won't be able to see to give her the numbers she wants.
All I could do is shake my head and smile.
PeMa did call back and when I left, Gma was happily eating her candy bars in the yellow paper. I also decided I might need to see a doctor myself...possibly several...one for insanity and one for high blood pressure.
Grandmothers are wonderful! Mine took care of me all my life and I'm paying her back by taking care of her now. However, I'm having serious doubts that I'm giving her as much as she gave me. She's a precious lady and she keeps me on my toes in one way or another every day.
"I love ya more than my luggage." Clairee Belcher